Comparisons: Dogs and Cats

Dogs and cats, generally speaking, are very different kinds of critters, likewise those people who identify themselves as people of one or the other. My guess is you'll seldom, if ever, find anyone who loves both equally with a passion, at least if you check outside the animal protection industry.

I for one for the most part am a cat person. Yet I'm not here to state my reasons for that or defend that passion against those who would champion the values of dog-ownership. Rather, I'm here to compare cats and dogs, and in doing so I hope to reveal some of what defines a "cat lover" and a "dog lover".

For starters and, again, speaking in general, dogs are insanely social, crotch-punching, in-public-pooping, peace- disturbing, musky, shoe-chewing, large, heavy, drooling, walk-demanding, rear end-sniffing, sycophantic brutes while cats on the other hand are independent, self-cleaning, odorless, toilet trainable, quiet, small, light, non-drooling, self-motivating, polite, vermin- catching, self-sufficient darlings.

Cats of course have their downsides: you have to feed them, they take up space, and they live longer than dogs. Compare those to the downsides of dog-ownership: they take up more space, you have to feed them more, and they need a "house" if you let them out in the winter.

So what, if anything, can we glean from all this about the people who'd "own" these critters? I think it's obvious: dog people want a pet that's like themselves whereas cat people want a pet that's like a small god with fur and fangs.

That's all for this installment of Comparisons. Next time I'll take a fair look at the differences between Democrats and Republicans in terms of their intelligence. Tune in then!