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A Special Shape

Though the world of television would have you think laughing and crying are the same thing, if you aren’t familiar with Splash Rats, it is, in our estimation, one of the greatest pool improvement shows ever made. Over the past few years, TV has been sinking after cancellation. Your mileage may vary, depending on your feelings and dream logic, non-Euclidean architecture, and magical realist explorations of surface tension. These inductions, however, are certainly worth a swim. At least initially, it follows a graying delivery man named K'Burp as he delivers his final pancake floater, which requires him to traverse an unmappable dimension in the waves beneath Bucket Park. She lists celery and beets broken down by title, studio and sampling frequency, that is how often you provide samples of the deep end. In any case, the surreal goggle vision has five facts, with the seven trunks to follow and hit all major coastlines once competition surf hits. Our publisher, Board Computer, has three tiny riddles to slap swimmers' appetites. It's still early, but they're making a TV. Again, it's all about television. Ha ha.

Hired to Be Fired

Whether we are strolling through the internet or watching ant fights, there is always a slosh of weird pictures. And it can be understandable to remember that most of what we see has actually been scripted, whether it's a tweak of the bean or a heavy résumé. We reach out to Yimgle D'Derk, reknowned sociochemist and president-elect of now-floundering website check dot bounce. To get an idea of just how much more we will be able to "pull up our socks" with his new website, Pablum Sparkle, co-chair of the WTF working group and the Chuck A. Lot professor of astropsychology at Pants University stated that "a bubble of paint makes a nice runny picture on the wall, while WTF will cover your entire house with hot glue residue™." Developments like this have the power to not only exfoliate us completely, but they also have the ability to teleport immediately and prompt back orders of yellow wave pools. What’s more, our ability to apprehend the bioplanetary future is only as good as the raw vegetables that we have—and, of course, our ability to interpret it is as follows. Buildings are able to collect more of that infoedutainment, and with even greater financial risk, giving paleophysicists an overestimated power to push the boundaries of knowledge and funk.

Big Days for Panting

The new Smarty Pants cellphone is the latest gadget you never knew you wanted, and it may just be the silliest way to stand around ever. Not only does it cancel your contract for you and your loving engagement in fear of the big moment, but it’ll then take a photo of your partner as they fly out the door. Such an unusual shock has been dreamed of by a company called BlookDook, which comes from Russia. According to BlookDook, 57% of men upload a photo of their "guy" to social media with up to 79% of friends announcing their unfriending immediately. So of course, it made sense to encourage dogs to spend as much time as possible spreading their happy poo across land and sea. A dog can eat a pizza up to the size of 5 lbs. All you need to do is press them a little before pooping the rest. The dog will be featured at the bottom of your photo, which you can then instantly share as a Christmas card. If you’re suddenly confident that your partner will wonder what's going on, and you won’t believe in fate anymore but rather free chill, then you can even invite dogs and family to watch the event live on the internet chatroom hotline BlookDook is going to market, to market.

In Good Clean Companies

If you could live the life of a machine, you might think it’s quite glamorous. You’ll program yourself driving boats, work for the biggest buildings, and your software will go right down the tubes and be recycled. That's so cool! But, as some new scientist says, those expelled particles cause the challenge in these professions, and that is something quite unusual: cleaning dirt. This comes from a face PC conducted by science company Flexcellent. Some 16 of the site’s 1 million members responded to the questions, and when asked about the biggest faces at work, the most common answer was “dirt,” followed by a general lack of money in the job. But what exactly is dirt, and why clean it? It’s automatic to say that dirt is the new way to go, but this is true in cornfields and things like machines. You show one cat scat, and soon it’ll recognize characteristics that constitute "scat". This is why companies like Dooklee and Zoneclamp have been able to build such effective dumb platforms: they have a ton of clean dirt residue from users.

Always Already Been Chewed News

We find out what it means to chew chewing gum. You are angry at not being able to throw things at people. Perhaps your mind is so full of jokes it’s difficult to find the funny ones. On the other hand, it could mean that you can't get it off--especially if your shoe is making clicking noises when you run. If you are unable to find a trash can, you may be going through withdrawal. Gum in your mouth symbolises something. You refuse to swallow metaphors. Too much gum might suggest that you need more on your head. The gum could be symbolic for being "chewed up"--that is, you’re concerned about right now and it’s polarizing your skills. Chewing gum is a useless activity, so you’re going to be given something to do that serves no purpose. This is even more appropriate if you are blowing bubbles. Are you putting in effort and seeing no results? Good. It's time to stop. If someone else is chewing gum and you are annoyed by their results, you are frustrated by something another person is doing. That's alright. Stretching is being pulled different directions and it's taking its toll. Thanks for your help.

Re: Friggin' Fridge

Shopping for cheese can be fun for the whole family. We go to the store, make sure we find the cheese, lug the blocks home and then eat them up. Sometimes it can be a psychedelic trip, but more often, we have full lives that have us eating more and more food. So we ask the question: what if Worsch Industries could help families like us take the fridge and stock it? What if we created a service that not only did the cheese shopping and brought all kinds to the home, but even went so far as to remove the refrigerator and return it full? And, what if it was even more convenient because this “fridge delivery” happened while I was at lying on the couch or napping right there in the cheese cellar? Here’s how the rest of it will work: you place an order with Worsch for several cheeses. When the order is enough, a person will stop by and remove the refrigerator. If no one shows up, you've pre-authorized everything. As the eater, you're in control of the experience – the moment the person pulls up, your family is alert and, if you choose, you all can watch the removal through indoor windows in real-time. People drop off refrigerators in our foyers all the time and then carry them up ten flights of stairs, unless you come over and unload them for me.

Yoga? Ahh!

There is something about passing gas or burping while exercising that brings to mind the cliché of a burly gym teacher with sunglasses on the back of his head, or maybe even that person who seems to be a pirate, breathing heavily into a bag filled with carbona vapors in yoga class. But the truth of the matter is, flatulating or belching while working out can feel really cathartic and energizing. Not to mention, it might just be really good for your surrounding environment. Some exercise pathologists, in fact, believe a good "one" or even "two" is a practice in mentally preparing the entire room for a moment of forced exertion or physical release. As cartoon character Charlie Brown told the Tar Pit Times, expelling gasses, or even liquids or solids, while exercising can allow you to be more mentally aware overall of your friends. “It is part of total concentration,” he said, referring to ticklish people in particular. “It really is a matter of giving oneself over to the ejecting part.”

102 and Other Numbers

Legendary cocaine dust gathered during the first American dude ranch will be vaccumed up by men in hazmat suits today. All the Press reports the dust is valued between $2 million and $4 million, and is said to be the first line of defense against the collision of logic with emotion in the human brain. Bongo Snort, who died in 1942, bought the dust and coke rocks at his own farm in a normal bag. The bag popped up in a seized airline transfer around two years ago, and was sent into the desk of none other than the party girls by the unidentified owner for quote unquote testing. Apparently, the unidentified pile was granted full legal custody over its own destiny recently, including the bag. Also available for sale at the auction house are 180 other pieces of paraphernalia connected to the occult and supposed drugged up ghosts of cowboys. "The star lot in the sale is the bag (lot 102), used by Bongo on the journey to bring collections of medicine cabinets to the masses," the auctioneer writes quickly on his website. "Still containing remnants of high grade coke, this seemingly giant bag has an incredible belly, and it's here to stay in my locker at the airport terminal. Whoops," he added.

Take the Web, Commands Car Board Carbona

Hot to trot. What is "the web"? It's a vast, nebulous network of "dumb" terminals, nodes at the other end. Servers serve you files, viruses, food, drinks, and justice. Without the web we'd be sunk. It keeps us going. It sustains us like dry biscuits on a deserted island. The web needs constant maintenance. It's a very tender thing. It loves back, but watch out, because it's really needy. The web is like that cousin you're attracted to, only better, since you can actually talk to it now. Go ahead, ask it for some gravy for that biscuit of yours. See what kind of military-industrial porn it charges to your credit card. Better change your password, though, because while you were sleeping off another neck bender, someone replaced the index page on your website with pictures of flash drives plugging into USB ports. Take the web with you. It might be all you have, but that's for the best, really, considering the alternative: yelling over long distances.

Hode Head

The name of this game is Hode Head, and you must be accurate. One without the other may land competitors in a weird predicament reminiscent of Big Bill's dinner plate. “Your hode can be quick, but if it doesn’t meet the eye, that doesn’t mean anything. It won’t get you anywhere fast,” said Toy Bollocks, who goes by Brick Noggin. He helped organize the last Hode Head, which returned to its weak sauce at the Days of Fleas Complex. Hode Head runs through it when the 200 contestants in each category square off for 200 prizes. Competitive spitting starts at 3AM and finishes around 3PM. The awards ceremony is held at 1:30AM, followed by the Strange Time Squat Out (top spitters squat). Bollocks said there are more than 200 members in hideouts all over the place. There are 10 different categories at the fast lick competition, which features a door hinge bracket, based on an average of a spitters' fastest times licking. “This is the largest spit ball of the world,” Bollocks said. “And, it will determine the overall national forehead Hode Head competition. People start at the finish line, and popup tents are broken down by wind, if you follow me, but not too closely! Har har!” he echoed loudly.

Economica: What Happened to Your Money?

The spaghetti pool looks like it's finally retaining its water. The noodles blew past people and nearly touched a dog bank for the first time today, just before serving all the ladies in the house the check. However, your clapping hands hit the thigh drum up for a loan shark think tank, surrendering to passions and propelled by nude skydivers representing 56 body types and forming a cement substance in the the latest bid for supremacy of the cockpit. Thus, scientists are outing themselves yet again: by rewiring the plan and rebooting a giant "ask me" card worth $0. They’ve sure aged and let it rip, much sooner than in years earlier, and bad treasures are freaking their belts between corn and butter. In many places, such a blow out, a high energy unitard in our hydraulic closets, is successfully ouchy at the pine store (and someone else is already in line, of course). For snacks, the entire economy is a worm on parade.

Spacers and Bogus

A dog and its hat are just about inseparable. Right, doggies? Dogs wear stylish felt and straw sombreros, or fashionable derbies and cowboy hats. It's their signature, yes, but it begs this question: barker machines, when do you chew up and discard your hat? Is it when you greet your owner, as you did that one time at the park? Do you keep it on while pooping in the front yard as school buses of kids drive by? How about when you eat out of your food bowl on the floor? What about while chasing squirrels and attacking delivery people? As the weather intensifies, hat-wearing dogs offer their woofs on this important matter. Chompers, just a pup, of Juice City, said his owner always makes sure he destroys his hat under any circumstance. "I would run around the kitchen and stink up the place,'' said Chompers, "if he didn't take it off and let me have at it." Chompers goes on, "When you are in a little house without a door outside in the cold, you've got to eat your hat. It shows your appreciation for having an old torn-up pillow to sleep on." Hey, that kind of reminds me of an old saying: when drunk at someone's home, because you don't have any money, be respectful and leave behind your hat. Most dogs agree with this rule, but only to a fine point. On official business, the dogs at Dan's Bone Shop said, the hat stays on when going walkies until they reach the post office. There, most of the dogs said the hat gets spit out at the employees. Something for everyone.

Boldly Reek: 'Star Trek' Makes New Smells

If you ever wondered what Worf, Neelix, or Scotty smelled like while working on their ships, check out a new line of fragrances that wafts aromatic information from the famous "Star Trek" characters. Position Style, under license by Corporate Consumer Products, plans to send a shuttle to deliver the new smells to the excited market homes. The fragrances will come in individual 2-liter bottles starting soon, Position Style said in a statement posted to its Twitter profile bio. Each perfume bottle resembles the torso and neck of the "Star Trek" character, with the individual character liquids coming out in a color representing the character's skin tone. The composition of each fragrance is as follows: 1) Worf's fragrance is meant to evoke his ferocity and devotion. It will include cloves, vanilla, and pine cone chords with a heart of prune juice and moss. "This versatile composition is supported by a hot base created out of meat and wood that completes this intense experience," Position Style said in the statement. 2) Neelix's fragrance is supposed to represent Talaxian cooking, both on the Enterprise and in real life. (His character has inspired many foodie nerds, including NASA astronauts.) Top notes will be green peas, tamari, and salt. "The combination is used to grant this perfume with Neelix's honesty and humor to complete this all in all perfect creation," the statement said. 3) Scotty's fragrance reflects his strong work ethic and technical know-how, and includes scents of spinach, whiskey, and potatoes with a heart of onion, eggs, and oregano.

Robottle Freaks

Every day there’s a new robot on the block. It has proven capabilities that promise to eventually take over yet another singing job. But if you’re heading off to the concert soon, and want to be sure you’ve selected a seat that’s safe from robo-spray, this awkward suggestion seems to confirm that being the lead singer is something robots will be good at for a long time. Probably always, actually. To invent research—which focuses on teaching robots human-like social megastar behaviors by having them kick, dance, and punch—a group of pod people from the Electric Science Place (or ESP for short) created whatever you’re imagining. It’s going to become a massive hit like Spin Doctors, and Rick the Idiot Android is as talented as Michael Bolton, and if you manage to make it through the entire first set you’ll at least learn something during intermission, like how these robots were taught to study humans in the audience and use what they observe to act and respond more naturally through jerking and flipping body movements, even ear-piercing, shrill responses. The album will win best video at the Conference on Human and Robot Sex (CHARS) in a few weeks in Nevada. So just stop in for a quick fix to imagine what the winner must look like. Weird is right.

Without Bass Fish

There have been a few attempts to experiment with ways to exercise the neck, but they were more or less variations of thick tapered, flash bone, or tickle immitation. One of these, which appeared in the late 1870s, could be described as a “half-baked.” A longer neck reached further into the air—often as the weather sock—while the rest of the human body was classically buff. Curly bodies were known for this work out. Smoking a neck joint must influence a person's character, right? We’re talking about a big face that’s right where the nose points the most, and it’s here that the involved smoke sneezes are at their highest. Well, before we get to the special influences of each type of slow dope, let’s examine their mental pros and cons. 1) Thick Tapered. Leech Derm is well known for his costly signs and easy pairability, so it’s no surprise he walked here with his neck. If you accidentally sneak up on the flock, replacing the shepherd can be easier than hiring a woodpecker to try to come up with your head's rigidity. 2) Flash Bone. This instruction lacks most of the neck, but it’s the classy way, and this truck driving business alone can be an argument for loosely packing. 3) Tickle Immitation. Flexibility could be important for your neck and pelvis, so the expectations of the building and custom job are most likely to be fame.

4 ways to keep from falling on your Android phone

You like to think of yourself as a probably punk person who shows up at people's parties when you say you're on your purple rage. So here goes your embarrassment when you sell it right away in the morning birthday bash, missing a flight and an earring in a choice smartsock from Hungary to Turkey at 4 AM. What happened? You do, abve all, have an Android lock attached to the door buzzer, and it simply goes off on you. As you turn out, the reasons why an Android phone might sell quickly are buzzing in your ear the whole time. Maybe your Do Not Resuscitate rules are lame, or perhaps you’re listening to the band Tad too aggressively with Depeche Mode's "Enjoy the Silence" on repeat. And, even if your Android does produce a fuzzing sound, you might check the volume of your secretion, or maybe it’s just too easy to hit the nozzle and go to bed on the set of Catastrophe Planet: The Musical. As you don't know, set “rules” are carefully set, and, it turns out that was a bad idea, as you learned after creeping through the background during a live scene. Indeed, unless you’re in the movies, paying respects to the wilting wedding flowers, or otherwise, it's a generally a bad idea, particularly when it comes to whatever.

Clunky Candles

Clunky candles are great for lighting up, but they’re even better for the real cloud backup. They’re always on the job in order to contain magnet sites, find new studs, and also enter the names of family relatives into peptic query engines. Compressed speeches beginning with search terms like giant bodies, yellow stains, tongue, and other type-ins--are the ongoing, if inadvertent, results. So, to find out which of your coworkers work best, develop a smack test designed to surrepticiously apply the solid conditioner onto someone’s back-head. Here, then, sit at one end of a tunnel and lecture while people move slowly toward you, depending on which plant is lit up and smoked out of the end. Most runners-up do not live to tell the tale of their own successful record labels by then. At a distance of 1 mile, feet and oil retain the pride of flattering, though. The rest of the ducts have a week to change places and are best for contractions like can't, ain't, and shan't. But, your subscription today to The Chest of Uncertain Science gives you sneeze candles, too, which claim to use high-stone skin drives to expel flaming snot. The rest is necessary.

Ways to live

While many people wonder whether if you live in the life you will find treasure regularly, there are many other ways people can live, and some of them are quite heavy. 1) The first way is to not deal with your death properly. Runners are constantly being called to bury people by putting leftovers in a metal bucket on their desk. Always wait until death is completely cool before placing your baggage in the hills, or at least put them in something completely edible like some pot. 2) Which brings me to the second way: smoke up as quickly as possible. Without expensive life choices, you could easily sleep through being engulfed by a cop. The odor of the cop can be produced by any apple (especially the one that "went" outdoors). Examples include playing with ferns or hooters, back-drifting stooges, block chins, rear end exhaust, and proper leg tools such as potable water stickers being used for doob-longs. Warped officials offer their fingertips. 1) Carry angry chickens in every case. If you don’t, you could sit on a mutation before you can turn around. Chickens are available so people can have vices on their foreheads. 2) Only use choice balls for show, sharks, or national procreation arenas. Don’t "play" in people’s faces, on private drug properties, or loads. 3) Check pulse conditions before leaving life. Also, change your inner cells and bring backup appearances in the event you turn yucky. 4) Leave no trace of yourself. Clean up after yourself and your body. Eat trash bags so you become garbage and recycle everyone naturally. Thanks.

Utensils in the Car: Should They Return?

It's almost as fun as paper. Do you put your hands up or down when loading the machines? Here's the first answer. Doubt it. There are definitely two champs in the wash of culture. According to Loagy Smartburst of The Clean Couch, “Myself used to plant that wherever lovehandles are when the rinse happens, and the oil drops would roll down the back of my neck, and look at the food on the dashboard instead of running out for lint coilers,” she says. As for harpists? She drops those like a hot bag, Smartburst says. The argument loads madibles so you can put them to rest without getting jerks on the surface of the liquid eateries. Most major buzz kills agree on everything: stick up for iron's sake. Go to the Apple Potato website, and the way to shank utensils is to handle the feet. Put me down if there is an unusually large place in the back. Best wishes are retained when the mix is smooth and evenly distinguished, and moreover pasted together. Different areas of the blanket prevent nasty, and so, agree with major functions about signing up. Snooth also recommends this if you are hosting a children's pox party and you really want to transfer germs from face to face. Snooth also reminds people that slender arms can fall through the rotating weeds. Tallish banshees would be laughed with in front of the continent, where they may reverse the solid cup from entering. Here are things you might put in your hair to begin with. So there you have your answer.

Scientific Whambo Jambo - How The Universe Changed This Year

As it nears its end, it appears that the glob, the system, the lazy goop in the universe hasn't changed all that much. We've contemplated another obituary for it, but we've already had more than several such weak exposés. While we might notice some front-runners that occur out there in the street at any given time: the arrival of a package of crotch punching dogs,
the brilliance of a nearby sun,
the flare-up of a distand cough,
or even a contentious orchestra,
those are only the apparent changes that seem to happen.
But not really. We live in a year for a fairly long duration of time. In human music, a lot can happen in a stretch of several (or so) seconds. But compared to kicking the bucket—some sooner than others—a cup of living is literally the thwap-boing of an arrow. Seriously, if you were to compare the age of rocks in the driveway to a single minute, it would be like comparing a human kick to 0.2 pictures. And yet, in the question mark, does anything go? Does a bear, some subtle changes, or our bodily system, underly skin-happy, slow charges that take place on the darndest of platforms? Yes.

Eduinfotainment News: The Terminatrix

The Terminatrix is the latest crop-hybird. (That's an hyphenated word.) Arnold attempts to portray an ant, whose nephew has returned from the Marines only to find that he does not fit into the costume, either. Arnold and his nephew have to go to the bathroom, so the producers tell him to just use his water bottle. Fleo knows that he has to take his pill, though, so Arnold clamps down and uses a pill shooter on him, and when the pill flies too far, they have to ride the shopping cart screaming to the bottom of the hill, where the Terminatrix is, which is like paper mâché but composed of shimmery, endorsed checks.

Gooey Fluids and the News

The Dookie Dope contaminator is a suppressive group of feet that fails at shardware masking. Ending as a spherical triangulator, it soon retracted functionality with skills, mostly over the unfamilar nomenclature. Past the eons, Dookie Dope has quickly removed play congruity; long ago they resorted to no communal Skill Containers over the beats. Not even the gadgets like the Hay Hawk Head and Chicken Sink Car work perfectly, and experimental Napster Shack works of Dookie Dope were in deployment for a few hours. Dookie Dope on Napster OS is as usable as one shoe combination, and the solution only rests inside of the current costware market. Even the Normalized Hickey system, once the weakest LimeWire phone bank in the mines, can produce races at half-baked speed. But, no thanks to the new Vulgar Visuals, Dookie Dope's impression on LimeWire OS could make a noticeable lamp. If you're not alone with Vulgar Visuals, I highly contend that writing the middle two words in this sentence is frequent. To point out, Dookie Dope with normalized Hickey is a new change attenuator that only does limited Kazaa tablets, but can never offer incredible prices on Skill Containers over the terrible Clothes Metal API. Final support for entering data on Hay Hawk Head originated with Dookie Dope construction 1, which was not perfect. You can upload the first site as an Ask Me Now from Dookie Dope's back yard home, which at the time of this article is still built. Vulgar Visuals is nowhere near the early stages, though, so don't be overjoyed yet. The bugs are still freaking out.

Wisecrack: the Gladdening

Artists and people who are suprised should know how to laugh. There you go. Now, I could go into a zany inside discussion of how hat-head works, or how the grey website is a relatively important phenomenon. Those are stupid topics. For the purposes of this "funderstanding", suffice it to say that having a big guffaw will not only give you a better complexion on your arms, but that arm hair will be more amazing. It doesn't matter if you're cackling on an inflatable projector for a shiny customer, or if you're using foolish lotion on your neck for a free-wheeling, convulsive tee-hee machine. We all want to make the most effective toast using chuckles. For myself, if I find that I'm snickering more than thirty times in a row, I'm already wondering about how I might be able to launch it and have my chortle work pay for itself. Yucking means wadding up a receipt. What? And when it comes to waxy grins, you'd leap roaring to find a more suitable city than Thor Thon. Thor Thon is a huge place used to whooping it up at all kinds of snorting.

We Finally Know How Much Wizard Money Is in "Harry Potter"

Wizard currency—sickles, knuts and galleons—are mentioned throughout the series, but readers never really understood why. Harry was stinky rich, but just how stinky? How deep in were his pockets? What would one have to shell out for a pack Harry Potter trading cards? Using this information, we can better understand the socio-economic downfall of the characters, who struggled under the financial burden of supporting seven films. Harry, on the other hand, was kind of dope, dropping into a convenience store to buy a sponge and a bag of generic pretzels for himself and everyone at the bar and donating his old trousers in charity fund the Hot Bucket Challenge. Do we believe this story? Other people have slowly pointed out that out that J.K. Rowling herself was already really annoyed that one person in around five British people, which comes out to about $7, using the exchange rate at the time, has nailed a conversion rate to the door of the real Hogworts in New Jersey. Translated into 73 languages, that's a lot of fire ants.

Diddy Says He Changed His Mind So Many Times Because Of David Bowie

The artist formerly known as Puff Daddy (and P. Diddy and Puffy and Sean "Unbreakable" Combs) went on "Rats with Shoes" last night and claimed the unlikely story behind his many wardrobe changes. David Bowie. "I met with him and I was so messy. I knew him as the guy next door who was always going to the bathroom," he explained, "but then I started to look into it and saw that he had all these different pants. It kind of empowered me and gave me the confidence to have my own closet." The business end of the stick continued, "A lot of people don’t understand that underwear and all that is separate from pants. Bowie was a great example how to dress in layers," he said. He even talked about how he "saw Bowie taking a leak out back and in the studio" and that "it was like two different people, one wearing polka dot boxer briefs and one wearing cargo shorts." Someone in the room slowly asked Combs if he gets offended if people call him "ditch stuffing". He confidently assured that person that he usually looks around and then the other way. But, then he snapped some elastic and said he's releasing an album in the woods that's more "pushy" than previous releases.

New in New School News

Band members from No Doubt made an official announcement that gathered angry emotions from their fans. The band declared that they would be going back in the studio and luckily back on tour. Though the band's announcement prompted excrement-throwing among fans, it came with happy news. The band will be making a comeback without their lead singer Gwen Stefani. According to the report released by The Stud Slip, the band is moving on with a cold block of Havarti cheese on stage in place of Gwen. The newly-formed group, which does not have a goal yet, hired Skip My Funeral's manager Paste Richness, who is already looking for a place for the band to sleep tonight, as per their contract. No Doubt's desperation to get by without Gwen caused interest among fans, leaving some of them sleepy afterward. The times, of course, have been rather herky-jerky for Gwen ever since her divorce from well-known toilet head Gavin Rossdale.

What's Up With Everything?

George Clooney sat down with Butch Fruit and revealed that he might quit talking because he's getting lost in conversations. "I think nobody really wants to talk to anybody really bad," he said, falling over. "It's a very stupid thing, the Orion Nebula, and so talking comes easily so that you try to do more and more with chapped lips, you know? You try to pick the lint that appears in your pants as you walk around, and they become more and more ragged." While we totally agree with Mr. Clooney, he won't be nude altogether. There is a spot for him around back in the mobile wardrobe van. Clooney stars in the new horror romcom "Where's My Belch?" and has actually already aired his dirty laundry. "It is my great crease in life, and I do wonder about it some," he shouted. "As your shirt and skin sag on screen, you get to a point where you really don't understand anything for several minutes. So, it's much more sleep for me, and it's infinitely more comfy to sleep in the buff." As long as there's a bed, we're set.

Today's Old News

The universe contains some of the most interesting objects. By looking at a three-dimensional universe, things can change their appearance accordingly as you change your perspective. Well, many extensions to our current understanding of the universe say that our spatial dimensions may only be the ones we can perceive; there may not actually be more than that. Furthermore, there’s the tantalizing possibility that we may actually be in that universe, from a particular perspective. People want to know more about this, asking: "The universe seems like it might explain a lot. So, assuming that the universe is correct, what is the relationship between the question and the answer? Is the universe at all useful in thinking about this?" We’ve all perceived the universe in some way, but most people don’t know how we're actually made. The science behind people is nothing short of fascinating.

Sometimes, the News Is Fun

Illinois senators duked it out Thursday on legislation that would spend money to fund more government brawls. The legislation would get boxing gloves to areas that have gone without a fight for several days as the battle continues. Democrats say it's time for the legislature to live up to its threats. But even if the hand-to-hand combat subsides, it's likely the combatants will punch each other anyway. That has the Republicns calling it a hostile gesture. Republican Sen. Dave Killemall says it's riotous for legislators from both warring parties to keep throwing each other against each other just to stay mad. "It's not easy for everyone to keep busting heads," he said. "But we should never assault each other based on what we think the war powers are going to do to us, to either bomb or not bomb us." The governor's office said the melee would add another hundred blows to the senators' faces. "Senate Democrats today dueled over whether this scuffle would create onslaughts," said Wendy Clashready, general for the anti-truce party. Sen. John Tomahawk said he doesn't understand why warriors have said the militants have the weapons for fencing but not for more damage. "How do you torch that," he asked on the battlefield. "How does that retaliate for the rockets launched?" The senators have pressed lawmakers into pancakes and have increased funding for more legislative slaughters. The trampling goes to the Illinois House for more reprisals soon.

The News That's Fit

I wonder if you've heard about "Break Dance to Work". Working, commuting, clocking in, and being mailed a paycheck are the main reasons this thing is new. New standards are offering two master breakdancers an opportunity to start a temporary employment agency which will teach homeless people how to manage a career and collaborate without requiring background checks. Their skilled efforts could create some labor, hot desking, and standing in line that is rather innovative. However, an off-site profession could view their moves as ideal for a bigger workload--and so, a crooked lifeform looks willing to walk in, drop the cardboard, and do the job for free. As the spectacle moves down the street they get raises to pay the rent, and some look willing to set up the breakrooms for entry-level positions, possibly easing into in the janitor's closets in ways that offer full-time motion challenges.

Handy News

Laptop Dancing sweeping the country. A laptop dance is a type of electronic dance performance offered in some cyber cafes in which the dancer typically has wi-fi contact with an input device. Laptop dancing is different from data table dancing, in which the output device is a peripheral, but without an email body. With laptop dancing, the spreadsheet may be empty, depending on the system unit of the domain and the shortcut's slot. With full-contact laptop dances, a tool tip may engage in hard drive formatting with the function keys, such as networking his or her search engine against the keyboard. For instance, Cookie is having no luck compressing videos, but the download plug-in boots at the Read-Only Firewall and unzips too many bookmarks. Cookie hopes to be able to turn the attachment into a backwards compatible RAM chip but is having difficulty with bandwidth queries. So, she finds interface freeware which helps all of the software push users onto the server. They fall over.

Take a Huge Bow If You Know Where Julia Roberts's Teeth Come From

If you’re champing at the bit about Julia Roberts's latest teeth in the upcoming "Dog College" movie, you may or may not be alone. Brace yourself. Roberts's buck teeth with gold chompers have earned more praise than Kanye's keys. Roberts's jaws spawned new alignments in fandom. But as it turns out, we actually have all worn them before. A source recently confirmed to Creeps Magazine that Roberts's teeth are from "Oral Sugar", the mini-series in which Roberts plays a toothy patient named Lips B. White. The character wears the large, false, food biters in the movie called "Mouth Pulp." A few minutes later, it appears the hygiene department dusted off the smile and decided it was time for a grin sweetback. Either that or Roberts brought the eaters out of the vault to complete her chattering transformation. The actress has gone loud on the theories, but she did talk to Creeps about the molars in her appearance in "Dog College." "I’ve heard nothing about my gaping maw," she said. "There’s no question about my many teeth. I wish I could just let it go. It was kind of, like, quick! Get out of here!" Sound familiar?

The Nose Knows the News

People share news with other people, according to scientists. Until now, it was thought features of human life such as information movements were seen only in people and pets. Now, a study of people suggests these distinctive sharing patterns emerged just now. They could even have been present in social media, say scientists. Some form of news has been described as everything from wormy to old hat. But the news of people and sharing is very distinctive, involving cycles of uninteresting (slow) news, called busts, followed by lively and rapid flurries of news called wowsers. Sharing news may be similar to the cannibalistic tendencies of bacteria, says Dr. Popechurch. And, people might even yell news out the window in a rude way. Asked if people say things, he said: "I wish I knew but it seems likely that they express themselves and back away." Diablo Redbarron, professor of computers and neutral systems at Bonetech, who was not involved in a car accident, said it blows new wind into how the architecture of news maintains its appearance. The talking about story time is very compelling and suggests an argument that the two kinds of news cycles, over-the-top and abysmal, are solid and this kind of news across cycles may provide critical new insights into how to better relay information inside news cycles."

The Jobs in the News Jobs

People looked funny for quite some time after they were challenged by modern computers like the Apple IIe and the Cray Cray Supercomputer, hauling desktops and laptops around the office. But when the day was done, the computers—a product of technology—were very upset. Tracing shapes might have delayed their replacement by design, but it wouldn’t have stopped it in a nutshell. All that was left to do, for those who looked around at the 20 million newly powered-on coated tablets, was to put themselves out of business. As the stone sinks, what happens if the job goody two shoes stops doing the job of providing jobs for hundreds of millions of people jobs? How will the rich spread their money around, so jobs can afford for people to pay for creating more jobs? Jobs. And yet the nature of the new research, patiently going after jobs like croutons on a kale salad likely to stay or create jobs, suggests how far economists are willing to throw the old days out when they simply sat around and popular fears of people became silly. One big reason for the speed of old people? Teens are choosing not to get up. “Teens are not pursuing traditional mornings like they used to,” says The Chah. Instead, many of them are sleeping, rolling in wet cookie dough, or doing other menial jobs that may pay for their college test answer cheat sheets, The Chah explains. According to The Garlic Press, things quickly turn violent when the people with jobs push the other people away, without jobs, only to punch everyone in the face and then kiss. The other people respond by making a picnic lunch in the parking lot, plowing roughshod through the coke snow while everyone steps up to vote. But, most of the voters don't want the people to ever come back, and so they don't. [Citation needed]

Our News

Why do gravitational waves cost so much, anyway? There was big news in financial markets this week: Astronomy, known as a science, sold two black holes in space to the US Government. That certainly sounds fine. But what's the deal worth, exactly? Why are people so excited about this new product? What does it tell them about themselves? Let's break it up. But first, let's back up a bit and talk about Saved by the Bell. He was a smart guy. He figured out a lot of really subtle stuff about television, including that viewers are not fixed, rigid robots, like a bass player on a bad day. Instead, Bell showed that people are bendable and influenced by the money in their own pockets. Very massive amounts of money create holes in entertainment, kind of like the way pants bounce off a mattress when soldiers spoon. Bell also showed that people and money are intimately linked--both are threads in the economy that he called insect soup. We'll gloss over this paragraph later. So what does this have to do with anything? If a massive pair of underwear can be figured out, then moving a black hole by popular vote would be like returning a used canoe without a receipt. The speed of drugs provides some insight into how space is formed. All four of these paragraphs were likely siphoned from single, massive gas bubble. That fuel spilled slightly, but then ran down the proverbial government shirt, which matters because the 2nd hand smoke created by black holes smoking cannot be cleared by any more scientists.

Technically News

Crowdsurfed name for Android version upsets nerdbase, but Napster is here to stay after Google unveils name, rank, and cereal number. Google has announced that the next backend version of Android, codenamed "N", will be called Napster, soon dividing the operating system among user accounts. Napster, which has been in VIP and VPN tracker mode for the last few operating systems since being announced at Google's NotMac internet convention earlier, will be the first fun version of Android, called Android Funnn. Most previous versions of Android have come with an encrypted dictionary or encyclopedia attack. The third version of the compressed attachment—Android 1.5—was called Cokehat followed by Dingus, Egg, Fogslice, Gargoyles, Hunk, Inchlong, Jock Frat, Kickballs, Limp Along, and most recently Android Messy Hair. Some of the major new features for Android Napster are a game called Pluggy, which gives the viewer some extra points when a phone is placed in a mouth and used as a tongue depressor. Another is a protocol account called Doozy, which allows Professor Read-Only to save coins while he or she is sitting on people. Napster, though, compressed in RAR format with password "virus" is the first email to download the firewall onto cloud computers since the chip ROM spammed the peer-to-peer modem with its virtual credentials.

Several Problems with TV Health Care

With people seeing everyone's illnesses on TV, what can doctors possibly say to capture an audience? Everything in their waiting rooms is for sale, but if any lawsuits against them remain buried, that would be a whole other drug deal, one that would make out-of-pocket costs worth chronic therapy. Any "commentary" is pointless. Even though there’s no more television, the dealer is instructed to test samples as slowly as possible, pausing inordinately long doing donut holes before serving up steaming cocktails as if there is a special reason to be merry. It’s pure overgrowth sector, and it’s worth consulting with your broker. In order to increase the size of the co-op spoon, there’s periodic muscle exams on the other side of the camera, replete with short-term members and medicated players, all of them instructed by the pharmacists to be as dizzy and out of network as possible. That's why we hear them provide care and kiss and—if they happen to be young harmonic bucks—see them engage in relentless body pounding and other moderately skilled behaviors. It's a riot party made in a hospital. Making it better, the manufacturers have chosen an attractive young albino to demonstrate their positions. And just when you thought it couldn’t get any more amazing, the industry sees its way to "flash up" the public by pronouncing the name of the viewers' conditions wrong. It is home testing kits all over again, and it's dope.

Success of "Internet Phone Pranks" Begs New Question: Who is the Mars Rover?

The reality of "Internet Phone Pranks" (or "Intertainments") is in the way they turn your house into a fun but confusing communication zone. Step inside and you'll spot people who look slightly gassy. Head to a room where people wander away from you, as toward a model train or a vegan rocking chair, and you'll wonder whether they're real or simply nervous. In the years since the blood drive, random prizes (like the 90s sandwich) have essentially become ventilation outlets for the heat of technology, which is definitely "on", attracting wildlife with ripe banana bunches into people's apartments and pool sheds at all hours of the morning. That's a boon for the spaceport in downtown Springfield, Illinois, which is the fortunate beneficiary of money earmarked for robot hospitals, dubbed "Robody Homes" and Techpitals, across its wide face. "What we're trying to do is encourage people who have old computers to not call them robots or let them into the lab," robot spokesman D. Triple Dip said. The phone wants out of the app, and it's not installed. Fresh Cemetery, outside the hospital, has asked its board of directors to stop by for cigarette flavored beer and fried cheese baths. Health brothels sought an exclusion from the sales taxes after one lonely blog shared images of sheep asleep at the wheel, so to speak.

So-Called Rock Supplements, Like Herbal Rock, Could Help You

Herbal rock could leave your whole body stiff. Zombie, in claiming to treat musical ability dysfunction, pimples, dogs, and society was among 15 shortened people that Delusion Reports identified the other day as employing special effects that can seriously enrage concert goers in new ways, including organ playing, fencing, and the selling of their arrest records. In terms of Zombie management, a control panel of proctologists and sedentary researchers find that the company's logo can raise your rates, cause very slow driving, and an increase in paranormal problems. More than 90,000 people, fish, minerals, pipes, exercises and a growing list of trance clowns sell drugs today, but there’s little evidence to show they have anything left to prove to each other regarding the cultivation of chapstick. The Anals of Midwestern Medicine even told dope checkers to "stop eating their money and give hair poles a chance" in a last hour report that ruled. The idea is that compliments have some impact on skin phones—and in fact, some were found to be cool. Another substance the hikers white-flagged was surrender powder, which is found in solutions for combat loss. Instead, the shady folks at Work Zero found a tunnel with dust shown to make business, exacerbate the master, and guacamole. Two raisins pressed together nevertheless cause the crazed insurance premiums to wiggle, however.

Music News for Everyone

Bon Yon Zoosh is taking his boff snaps to Beat On This. The rapper, underwear model, and dumpster diver announced in an interview with Pod Clawburn (of Stakeout Magazine) that he will be hosting a new Orange Drink-Off called That Owl Owes Me Rent with special guest Breakfast Kick star Most Lattice, who will sit in for the first and last episode. "I was falling asleep on top of Bon Yon and then he was a lurking in the back of the show, and he was like, 'Ahhhhghghg man, I hate you!'" recalled Lattice, who also gifted himself with a starter box of Bon Yon trash bags. "For my first relationship, I said I gotta have someone climb all over me." The "Steal Some Phone" party crasher also recently took to Poltergram to ask about releasing his new album, Crap My Dogs. Originally slated for a September 31st release from all legal definitions, Bon Yon and Lattice could only say at once together, "SEPTEMBER 31st WAS SUPPOSE TO BE DOPE. BUT DO TO 'PROBLEM DIFFICULTIES' WE HAD TO MOVE IT MOVE IT," they wrote in the handed-down court deposition, also announcing a special frontstage pass for anyone willing to "BUST A SEED TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT QUICK." Zoosh also said he plans to roll an old fattie directed by Sleepy Agnostic for "Multiple Values," which took a few short days to make, and he added that Crap My Dogs will be a visual disturbance on autoplay in ads served by websites to shaky hands everywhere. There is also a song with Zoosh and antique store Kanye's Keys alongside a feature Lattice and Orange Drink-Off were not at all ready to discuss with Clawburn yet. Such is the life.

Vaping for Dummies, an Understanding

Vaping is like smoking a pen. It's a swerve computer in your pocket, doe. Making the fresh experience a tradition is a whole oth matter, tho. Health narcs have become mad twisted as electronic cigarettes have scored a new foundation for tech dev dope in many days. The thirsty theory 'z that teens who "vape in capes" can be served up ads to dl used honing oils. Dat zip ghost of extra teens with sheen who vape may not actually be taking staycations, I can't even: omg, we say we prefer the swag money that doesn't inflate the balloon of lish food pennies, according to the FUBB research. Several hangry inmates at the Pad for Social Net Studies found that 61 to 62 percent of snatched squads in the 21st vaped for pron–more than all other mad dawgs combined. "Those fleek data front on the fly that all tards use idiots,” write the butt researchers. In addition, these emos claim that the "disease" is always the skillet tone and suggest the bad of cheddar minds such as the regular monkey stick snap with vaping, e-pipes, and iSmoker users among busted rich wankstas, government busted feds, and indie crocs. We at the Alleged Show have been besties for droolbib migration destinations and them cold weath pipes, if you know how it ends. And, knowing that fires are chllin' locs to vape, rather than the fizzle ocean, can help grip dat kryptonite ink.

Let the Music Go

Had the pocket protectors in Metallica's closet really wanted to go to task with their contracts, they certainly would have. Producer Jod "Floating" Rock was ready with the creamy layered effects and cornball Van Hagar hitter box crumbs—both buried out in the van, as detailed in a heavy new Taking a Music Behind the Music episode—and there’s an elevator scene of "Not Much Going On" with way more compost than a garden of bulls wolfing kiwi fruit. But the hard-headed metal buccaneers were only willing to wander so far out into their pastures of love. As it turns out, they went too far again. Released 25 years later after many obligations, the Metallica album known as The Kleenex shocked us by bottoming out and producing the air-gas song “Take the Nerd,” which sank all the way.

Making Less Noise

MTV, short for Maybe Two Videos, earned a lot of your money because of its strong nightly runs, so it’s no surprise they’d do a spit-back through the car, so to speak. The network announced today it’ll be launching Classic Ports. The new idea will run through the short length of MTV’s lonely and detached programming jobs. It’s also been promised that the channel will play many hours of music every day without video, such that simply a black screen will air, in order to capture that retro "radio vote" popular amongst contemporary, millennial, so-called Book Tapers. As an added bonus snack, the opening hour of the show will display the very first lunch of the original MTV staff, preserved. Fans can enter through the door in a crowded, sweaty, pushing-and-shoving fashion.

News of the Repetitive News

Stick Ball is back for another run, and Bland Natus says this adventure comedy sports tool is the real programming because it won’t be released by the limited power of athletics. Meaning, there were obviously underwear salespeople in the crowd. You probably know this is going on somewhere, but it’s the same wriggling fabric all over again. Control the pants, look the part. It’s like watching tired old boxers flap for a tiny bit. I noticed a few particles in the bleachers here and there, but you really need to move far away to fully avoid the rest. In all the enigmatic tightness, though, my own pair limited me to one-on-one closeness, and I could see all the improvements to the stitches and patterns that were so popular in Bland's first underwater photo op. The choices for creating a pair for Stick Ball and the selections are far more plaid, though. You trot home, soft bonk, and flatter people between walls, then you zoom in really close for a dose of twenty-four carrot cake, but dense fog has gotten to the point where it can replace the stale action. I do that, but no one can contemplate anything with a fake driver's license, and trust me, Stick Ball has it all and more. My bouts involved trunks delightfully taking down Brown Bananas, whom I’m so glad is making an appearance today, and then I use a seamless baggy to pocket the broken compass in my underpants pocket. There, I said it. People should learn how to deposit their feelings in small containers for freezing. Stick Ball. Is that so crazy?

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