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lists


Alternate Cumputer Icon Captions
Some years ago, as a practical joke on my brother I changed the captions of all of the icons on his Win98 home computer desktop as such:
1) Music Match Jukebox --> Music Mash Yorkbox
2) Fruity Music Pro --> Fruity Probe
3) My Documents --> My Cherrios
4) Network Neighborhood --> Network Horse
5) Microsoft Word --> Microsoft Worf
6) Internet Explorer --> Internet Explode
7) Windows Explorer --> Windows Sexplorer
8) Dionysus Tools --> Dionysus Friend
9) WinAmp --> WinPamp
10) My Computer --> My Dungaree
11) Adobe Photoshop --> Adobe Eyeball
12) Music Tools --> Music Pool
13) Briefcase --> Beefcase

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My All-Time Favorite License Plate Spottings
Unless a number is relevant to the meaning, I leave it out.

1) HG KDZ
2) PLY HRD
3) SLWDWN
4) 4 THE BZ
5) MZBCHY
6) KIDZ RT
7) LIK MGD
8) HVN FN
9) UR NVUS
10) N UR DRMS
11) BZ MOM
12) OTR DRVR
13) 1 IV ME (nice 1!)
14) CBGBNYC (spotted in Springfield, IL!!)
15) UN TO GOD
16) WLD CRD
17) CHI

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Drum Set Onomatopoeias

1) Clack
2) Itty Bitty Bat
3) Double You Chick
4) Bubble Chalk

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Miscellaneous

1) gum on an empty stomach: gumach
2
) stove + oven = stoven
3
) chant: Work from home in your sweatpants!
4
) night spot name: Jerk Box
5
) Odelee Eh-ho Hog Head Dog
6
) grill + foil = groil
7
) garlic + olive oil = gargoyle
8
) grim + dismal = grismal
9
) scratchy + starchy = scarchy
10
) superhero: The Curdler
11
) Art Food
12
) Robot Pants
13
) Whimsical Logic
14
) Economy of Enjoyment
15
) Padmé Amidala = Fuck Me I'm a Doll
16
) Rock Me Amadeus = Fuck Me I'm a Deus = Fuck Me I'm a God
17) deals next to flowers and cupcakes
18) personality bomb
19) warship worship
20) poor + boring = poring
21) a bourgeois flag standup dance anti-mirror
22) dive bar name: Mugshot

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Goofy People Names
Most of these are names I invented just spontaneously to use as test data in databases I was developing. It's interesting how the creative mind can sometimes work best when you're really not trying to be creative. Maybe it's like that whole throw yourself at the ground and miss thing from Hitchhiker's Guide. Some of you might recognize which one is contributed.

1) Xerwem Alielsterofside
2) Cyborg Anderson
3) Senior Bainbridge
4) Chumba Bernsteinian
5) Flag Bernsteinian
6) Epitome Bints
7) Sten Blenshow
8) Elgin Boxworthy
9) Jull Cleise
10) Meverine Morbit
11) Jusiniqua Oleander
12) Tom Overture
13) Gym Pertch
14) Glibson Reminder
15) Nerftinery Reminder
16) Hemglar Stanza
17) Gajhruyainee Starkey
18) Prell Verifel
19) Shelf Yemvrebistorq
20) Gradient Zoole
21) Stone Gazebo

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Available Domains (get 'em while they're hot!)
I haven't checked on some of these in a while. A few may be taken!

1) a1teleport.com
2) anti-oedipus.com
3) asshype.com
4) bothyesandno.com
5) damnsesamestreet.com
6) daysofblah.com
7) chopachunk.com
8) dotcomtelnet.com
9) emptypope.com
10) evenwhile.com
11) expensivecrap.com
12) funkybird.net
13) gitondown.com
14) godlessamerica.com
15) hairywang.com
16) hardtocatch.com
17) headbuzz.com
18) herewithin.com
19) huminahumina.com
20) likefaroutman.com
21) loudninja.com
22) myawesomesite.com
23) nametheplant.com
24) netcomtelnet.com
25) nutrametabo.com
26) oatjoat.com
27) planethink.com
28) quixels.com
29) rollitupdoob.com
30) scattermind.com
31) sitandlook.com
32) slightlyinside.com
33) sloeprinting.com
34) snost.com
35) spidersarecool.com
36) spillow.com
37) surfdead.com
38) sweatparrot.com
39) telnetcomnet.com
40) t-h-e-d-o-m-a-i-n.com
41) themeatpies.com
42) theoryofmoments.com
43) umithinkso.com
44) unknownnet.com
45) whuh.net
46) worldglow.com
47) yeoldendays.com

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Names for a Plastic Ruler
When we worked at Kinko's, my brother and I would engage in guerrilla comedy to maintain our sanity. One thing I did for about a month was place small labels with goofy things written on them on the backs of the plastic rulers in the self-serve area. Then, I gradually removed the rulers to a certain drawer in full-serve so that our 3rd party supplier would suppose the rulers stolen (as disturbingly happens a lot at Kinko's stores) and resupply them. What happened, without any knowledge of our mangers,  was that we ended up with a giant pile of these "named" rulers. Many of us had favorites, of course. One coworker was extremely angry at me over what he called "such unprofessional behavior". I won't argue that it was that! I'd say it was my intention, and I feel the overall effect was beneficial to our workplace. It also produced this list.     

1) 10 cents
2) A Kind of Alphabet
3) Act
4) Anch
5) Ancillary What
6) Arrgghh Jimboy
7) Bamberry
8) Biggles
9) Binary Systemic
10) Bints
11) Bombshell Utopian
12) Cheese Banana
13) Chicken Go
14) Chwub's Platitude
15) Dang
16) Excellent Mesh
17) Here Nowhere
18) Hi Chiarpo
19) Jar Jar Rules
20) My Penguin
21) Nice
22) Nocturnal Bat
23) not an option
24) Nuns
25) Peace Yokel
26) Porticus
27) Press Our Elf
28) Punjup
29) Quality Chicken
30) Rawhide Dog Chew
31) Ruff Hauz
32) Simpling
33) Snoad's Botchum
34) Sodium Carbide Lamp
35) Square Wheels
36) Stag's Artifice
37) Stencie
38) Swerve Barn
39) The Fireman
40) The Hecky
41) The Iz
42) The Ruler of the Counter
43) Two and Three
44) Vort
45) Yam's Treaty

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Groovy Band Names
To date, three bands gave garnered their names from this list (marked). Don't you doubt its power! Occasional content contributed.

1) Utopian Sluts
2) Launch
3) Leather and Sweat
4) Health Services
5) Rude Birds
6) Nacho Trux
7) Sears
8) Char Marx
9) Noodley Hair
10) Guaze
11) Adjective Noun
12) Squunk
13) Duq Ball
14) Breakfast Problem
15) One with the Bacon
16) Opinionless
17) Bootoob
18) Ambi-Optical
19) ...But No Cigar
20) Toxic Thought
21) Board
22) Womb Too Big
23) Something Tubular
24) Faceplate Stew
25) Rotund
26) Smekathunk
27) Inda Tub
28) Wank
29) Bloated Masterpiece
30) The Snaz
31) Ruf Buddy
32) Ma's Entrails <- - - - - -!
33) Study Studs
34) Twang Gulp
35) Hand Me the Ninja
36) Bunch of Bunk
37) Grunteth
38) Krok-Pott
39) The Smart Guys
40) Neck 2 Thick
41) Wut
42) Chix 2 Men
43) Goof Cool
44) Cousins
45) Codger Age
46) Liquid Love
47) Olde Tung
48) Lots o' Hair
49) Brimmin' with the Boys
50) The Cabinets
51) 1 1/2 Drummers
52) Salon Perfect
53) Slobber
54) Front Row Dorks
55) Dads and Olives
56) Loads o' Fun
57) Bogley Boo
58) Spuds
59) Lymp
60) Steve Types
61) Smooth, Non-Jarring Motion
62) Preliminary Fun
63) The Same Thing
64) Jesus Liquid
65) The Dark Weasels
66) Showboat Queen
67) Tweak of Violence
68) Basketball
69) Squat Team
70) Stud Assembly
71) Ultra Doug
72) Nice Ghosts
73) Sedentary Rock
74) Blunt Instruments
75) Slobe
76) Thick at the Base
77) Weird Potential
78) Now That's Propellant
79) God Bulb
80) Onslaught of Noise
81) Functional Junk
82) Organic Van
83) Calm Clam
84) Hippy and Stealth
85) Genetics
86) Launching Torsos
87) Sebum
88) Psychotic Gnome
89) Rotting Broccoli (Garden of)
90) Nasty Night
91) Chick Bass
92) Super Chigger
93) Just Crap
94) Stillborn
95) Nice Smooth Cut
96) JOT
97) Sit on My Face
98) Wish Bra
99) Guys with Nasty Thighs
100) Yucky Munchin'
101) Statues
102) Murky Clump
103) Rump to Rump
104) Dumpstur
105) P-Fuzz
106) The Honkies
107) Burnt Puppets
108) Wenching
109) The Gooch
110) Intense Wet Dog
111) Pulp
112) Snug Fit
113) Bus Brakes
114) Pooch
115) Neaf Duh
116) Lix But
117) This Chunk Thing
118) Mud Fuk
119) Five Popes <- - - - - -!
120) Fried Can
121) Guest List
122) Flimp
123) Nose Pump
124) Spilling Sodas
125) Duf
126) Wuk
127) Loofy
128) Stoop Dotty
129) Metafuck
130) White Alfred
131) Moses? Yeah Right!
132) Bumpy Muscles
133) Fucky
134) Pencil
135) Hare
136) Bear
137) Squid Bomb
138) Bronoculus <- - - - - -!
139) Bermuda Buddha
140) From
141) Cheese Buzz Gum
142) Strong Out
143) World Information Network (W.I.N.)
144) Stove Bolt
145) Flash in the Pants
146) Orangutan Rope
147) Mint Cat Poop Sausage Links
148) The Chumpions
149) Plugged
150) Orange Julius
151) Similar Pickles
152) Flower Sniffers
153) Butt Dox
154) Foam Juice
155) Sages in Tight Pants
156) Yam Hat
157) Suck the Bishop
158) Leg Sweat
159) Mest Up
160) Guy Slice
161) Git On Out
162) Her Retards
163) Wamblin'
164) Boogie Doo
165) How Jungian?
166) Dispensor
167) Gay Bulls
168) Guy Balls
169) Funt
170) Black Potato
171) Really Tired
172) Cube Job
173) Tool Makers
174) Angry Whatever
175) Snax
176) Wine Light
177) Oral Summit
178) Logical Group
179) The Missing
180) Actual Eyes
181) Done Atlas
182) Fuckberry
183) Going to Attack You
184) Mysterious Leg
185) Hyperbody
186) Running Furry
187) Stems
188) Marf
189) Pant Alone Ace
190) Dome
191) Punktuation
192) The Tight / The Baggy (on tour together)
193) Pump
194) Collective Hair
195) Pack of Witches
196) Gun Flower
197) Barely Bare
198) Band Until
199) Home Bomb
200) Fat Jesus
201) Eleven Burly Men
202) Band in the Background
203) Itty Bitty Bang
204) Fly Senate
205) Foot Mobile
206) Ha Ha Kill
207) The Most Skin
208) Boox
209) Eating Plastic
210) Gnomenclature
211) Mandelbrot's Clubhouse
212) Still Going
213) Trampoline Virgins
214) yoU eSsAy
215) Hot Fork
216) Desk Top Publishing (DTP)
217) Squirrel E. Mechanix
218) Bread Basket
219) The Various Mothers
220) Tinkerbell Solution
221) Ahtch
222) Chest Power
223) Yath
224) Clicks and Whispers
225) Bounce Time
226) Shave My Knees
227) Over There
228) Fingers
229) Slosh, Oh Yes
230) Having Sex
231) Gay Torpedoes
232) someone says hi
233) United Sluts of Utopia
234) Beard Key
235) Blood Gas Syringe
236) Christian Boobs
237) The Tim Russell Continuum
238) Nutsy Boing
239) 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
240) Hefty Mama
241) Unarmed Atheists
242) Not Really a Band
243) Goats on Patrol
235) Frond
236) Important Bleh
237)
238) Right Rear
239) Parent Sanctuary
240) Dork Alert
241) 10˘ Richard
242) Government Warming
243) Autocannibalism
244) Tire Fire
245) Poor Chiggers
246) Spray Chamber
247) Idea Shucks
248) Gorilla Bomb
249) Ape Demon
250) Hot Tunnel
251) Pea Score
252) Athletic Witch
253) Pro-Witch
254) Groggy Behind
255) Adjective Thing
256) All Here
257) Together Again
258) Shaver Phone
259) The Best / The Worst (on tour together)
260) Robot Pants / Pance (on tour together)
261) Going to Play Instruments
262) Happy to be Here
263) Trying Our Best
264) Dark Therapy
265) Monogamy Fats (jazz pianist or blues guitarist)
266) Battery Gun
267) Scene Skanks
268) Cock 'n' Roll
269) A Tapeworm
270) Slapt
271) Fidgety Gasbags
272) Trumped up Charges
273) Generous Parking
274) Do Some Mood
275) Outside
276) On Your Side
277) Outside is a Room
278) Just Getting Started
279) Get My Ficks
280) Take a Snake
281) Snacky
282) Crack Menthol
283) The Equators
284) Other than the Universe
285) Vile Vile
286) Thievery Corporation
287) Stock Bypass
288) Decently Thick
289) Giant Mini
290) The Equators
291) Pills McBills
292) Rose Cat Colony
293) Punching Black
294) His Parchment (Christian rock band)
295) Which Hazel?
296) Retch Trechery
297) Sob Attached
298) The Filaments
299) Drunk Plastic Giraffe
300) Touching Stefon
301) Steeping the Teabag
302) Take the People
303) Crystalline Jam Bonanza
304) No Infinity
305) Grey Coupon
306) Acrobutt
307) Joys of Analog
308) Nothing Else to Say
309) Black Kleenex
310) 3000 Clip Explosion
311) Progresso
312) Dirtbag Rich
313) Wrench
314) Multiple Centers
315) Immaculate Rejection
316) Oily Bastards
317) The Straightener
318) Steamy Corpse
319) Old Crochety Genius
320) Wealthy and Hell
321) No One in Particular
322) Mucho Tacky
323) Old Man Stench
324) Shop Garage Screws
325) Lame Metaphor
326) Frozen Clothes
327) The Pumping Locks
328) Painting Pants
329) Beginning To...
330) The Happy Wedgies
331) Banana Mouth Bite
332) Aphid Reader
333) Ten Skinny Guys
334) Little Fetish

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Bands with 4-Letter Word Names
This began as a pass-the-time road trip activity. Thanks to Garrick and Mike for participating! I gave in to the temptation and started browsing the All Music Guide.

1) Blur
2) Bush
3) Wire
4) Lush
5) Keil
6) Luna
7) Rush
8) Hole
9) Gwar
10) Love
11) Ween
12) Tool
13) B.A.L.L.
14) Toto
15) Free
16) Korn
17) Devo
18) Ratt
19) Fuel
20) Orgy
21) Dink
22) Styx
23) Ride
24) More
25) Dada
26) Pulp
27) Oval
28) Them
29) Kiss
30) ABBA
31) Asia

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Places I've Lived
Chronological to most recent. I left out college and post-college mooching off my parents and short lodgings with people. Pretty much this is anything that involved a lease, except for Sky Ranch, which gets honorary inclusion.

1) El Paso, Texas (born)
2) Sky Ranch, Adirondack Mountains, NY (commune)
3) S. Yale Blvd, Springfield, IL
4) Garden Court, Springfield, IL
5) Camp Sangamo Road, Springfield, IL
6) S. Price Street, Springfield, IL
7) S. Yale Blvd (different house), Springfield, IL
8) Walker Hall, ISU, Normal, IL
9) E. Cherry, Normal, IL
10) W. Cherry, Normal, IL
11) Hovey, Normal, IL
12) N. Madison, Bloomington, IL
13) W. Arthur, Chicago, IL
14) Cute little house in Normal, IL
15) N. 4th Street, Springfield, IL
16) N. Paulina, Chicago, IL (current)

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Concerts I've Attended
Sorted by date. Not listed: classical and small jazz performances; hundreds of small or local rock shows (now that would be an interesting challenge and list). Unfortunately, I go to concerts relatively rarely.

1) Thompson Twins, first "rock concert", IL St. Fair, '84
2) Survivor, IL St. Fair, '85
3) The Moody Blues, Peoria Civic Center, '86
4) REM, UIUC Assembly Hall, '87
5) Rush, Keil Auditorium, St. Louis, '88(?)
6) Jethro Tull, Redbird Arena, ISU, '89, too loud
7) REM, UIUC assembly hall, '90
8) Rush, Redbird Arena, ISU, '90
9) James/Soup Dragons/et.al, Braden Auditorium, ISU, '90
10) Pixes, Shryock Auditorium, SIU, '91
11) Stanley Jordan, Follinger Auditorium, UIUC, '92
12) Luna, The Blind Pig, Urbana, IL, '93
13) Soul Coughing/Poi Dog, The Metro, '93(?)
14) Lallapalooza, Riverport, '94
15) Cocteau Twins, American Music Theater, St. Louis, '94
16) The Moody Blues, Riverport, '94, with parents
17) Stone Temple Pilots, IL St. Fair, '94
18) Jonathan Richman, (venue?), Peoria, '94
19) Lallapalooza, Riverport, '95
20) REM, Peoria Civic Center, '95
21) Rage Against the Machine/Wu Tang, Am. Amphitheater, '97
22) The Flaming Lips, High Dive, Urbana, IL, '00
23) Yo La Tengo, High Dive, Urbana, IL, '00
24) Ravi Shankar, Follinger Auditorium, UIUC, '04
25) Iron & Wine and Calexico, Congress Theatre, Chicago, '05

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Concerts My Father Claims to Have Attended
I tend to believe him.

1) The Beatles
2) Jefferson Airplane
3) Albert King
4) Led Zeppelin
5) Jeff Beck
6) Johnny Cash (he and Mom were security guards)
7) Humble Pie (he and Mom were security guards)
8) Billy Preston (he and Mom were security guards)

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Jobs I've Had
Taxed or (shh) tax free. I'd totally forgotten that I was working four jobs in 1995.

1) paper route (SJ-R, '85-'86)
2) lighting tech (Starry-Eye, '86-'90)
3) office assistant (MGI, summer '89)
4) inventory handler (Best Buy, '91)
5) recital worker, recital coordinator (Kemp Recital Hall, ISU, '91-'93)
6) factory slave (temp agency, '92)
7) GTA (ISU English dept, '93-'94, '96)
8) GTA (Dalkey Archive, ISU, summer '94)
9) handbill mule (Chicago Direct, '94)
10) telemarketing minion (Drury Lane Theatre, '94)
11) chief lighting tech (The Atrium, '95)
12) painter (IPLSA, '95)
13) office assistant (Service Laboratory, '95)
14) store assistant or something (Mailboxes, Etc., '95)
15) subcontractor for web design (TCDI, '97)
16) multiple positions (Kinko's, '98-'00)
17) data/web/design and whatever else needs to be done (TCDI, '00-now)

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Bands I've Been In
Anything that had a name and made at least one recording or performed at least one live show. Jam sessions and no-names excluded. Music notes link to mp3 archive page.

1) The Meatpies (vocals & instruments, '83-'86)
2) The Relics (drums, '88-'89)
3) Slight Incline (drums, percussion, keyboards, vocals, guitar, '89)
4) Ma's Entrails (many instruments, vocals, '90-'95)
5) Busted Music Box (guitar, vocals, '91)
6) Here and There (guitar, vocals, percussion, '91)
7) Five Popes (guitar, lead vocals, drums, percussion, '92-'93)
8) Mommy (drums & guitar, 94)
9) Angels?Devils! (drums & guitar, '94)
10) America Smith (drums, '97)
11) Bronoculus (many instruments, vocals, '99-'03)
12) The Eva Hunter Band (drums, percussion, '01)
13) We Look Like Gils (anything I could get my hands on, '06)

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Tim's Exclamations
Strange things I regularly say plus their approximate translations. Take this as a warning.

1) The dern heck?! ("This makes no sense.")
2) The hecky? ("I do not understand.")
3) All nice and nice! ("I am finished.")
4) Sheeshalo-weeshalo. ("I cannot take anymore of this.")
5) Snakes alive. ("I cannot believe this.")
6) Coob. ("I like this.")
7) Oh-insey well-insey. ("I will adapt to the problem.")
8) Chawesome. ("I really like this.")
9) Yub, it's on. ("This suspense is pleasurable.")
10) Everything oof? ("Everything off? Can I leave for work now?")
11) Reh. ("I'm very disappointed." or absent minded "Here I am.")
13) Yub. ("Affirmative.")
14) Gleh. ("Disgusting." or "This bores me.")

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My Favorite Rock Guitar Leads of All Time
"Song", Band, Album, (Guitarist), Segment (if applicable)
In no particular order...

1) "Sharp Dressed Man", ZZ Top, Eliminator, (Billy Gibbons), first lead break
2) "Tax Man", The Beatles, Revolver, (George Harrison)
3) "Comfortably Numb", Pink Floyd, The Wall, (David Gilmour), middle  lead break
4) "Spanish Castle Magic", The Jimi Hendrix Experience, Live at Winterland, (Jimi Hendrix)
5) "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return)", Jimi Hendrix, Electric Ladyland, (Jimi), every single lead break
6) "Young Man Blues", The Who, Live at Leeds (Pete Townsend), all those leads
7) "Spoonful", Cream, Fresh Cream, (Eric Clapton)

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Mom's Phrases When We Were Kids
powerful things she would often say

1) Don't mess! (meaning don't mess with that)
2) Ah ah ah! (meaning stop messing with that!)
3) fifty million (exaggerating a quantity of some kind)
4) Musta shoulda notta. (me now: what tense is that???)
5) Hard tellin'. (always said with a shrug)

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My Pet Peeves

1) having wet shirt cuffs
2) drivers who "lane drift"
3) Adam Carolla
4) booming car bass
5) websites that automatically play music
6) hyperactive Labrador Retrievers or Cocker Spaniels
7) using "there" for "their" or "they're"
7a) personal ads that read, "Well, Im a pretty outgoing person. I like to have a good time, so it doesnt really matter what I'm doing, as long as Im having fun."
7b) "nucular"
8) people who drive up to a house and repeatedly honk
9) thinking that if someone doesn't like something you like, you must be better than them, and, conversely, that if someone likes something you don't, it must be something bad
10) pass-it-on emailed jokes / meaningless internet quizzes (TIE)
11) the fact that for most skin lotion bottles with spigots, a significant portion of the lotion at the bottom is completely beyond the reach of the spigot tube.

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My Favorite Mystery Science Theater 3000 Episodes
more or less in order of most favoritest

1) 212 - Godzilla vs. Megalon ("Knock knock knock!")
2) 424 - Manos the Hands of Fate (?????)
3) 423 - Bride of the Monster ("Well, this is here, and I'm me!")
4) 301 - Cave Dwellers ("That's enough fish.")
5) 319 - War of the Colossal Beast--just for the "Mr. B Natural" short ("Mom, Dad, tell me you heard that?")
6) 312 - Gamera vs. Guiron ("Hello. Thank you.")
7) 310 - Fugitive Alien ("Ken?")
8) 314 - Mighty Jack ("Continuous bank turn continuing, sir.")
9) 501 - Warrior of the Lost World ("Do you have to go to school to learn to act like that?")
10) 323 - The Castle of Fu-Manchu ("Joel, this movie really isn't very good, is it?")
11) 412 - Hercules and the Captive Women ("We surrenderrrr.")
12) 416 - Fire Maidens of Outer Space ("Keep it rolling, cy.")
13) 311 - It Conquered the World ("Now she has the mustache.")
14) 209 - The Hellcats ("A corn spy?")
15) 210 - King Dinosaur ("Anything unusual, Dick?")

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Rapper Names for Myself and Mike
Decisions have been made! Mike will go by King Lids, and I will be known as Mc2 (as in "son of 2"). Thanks to all who pitched suggestions.

1) M.C. Nunca
2) M.C. Gerkin
3) M.C. Parabola
4) Goudy Old Style
5) Dom Casual
6) Kone Tip
7) Oz Mos
8) Dong Thin
9) D.J. Nexus
10) Tube Man
11) T. Bone
12) Bosch
13) K. Ram
14) 2 Spool
15) Bzsch!
16) McQuick
17) The Tite

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